In the uncertain time of Covid-19, our lives have been turned upside down. The way we go about our day and how we conduct ourselves outside of our homes has been a drastic change. The anxiety about what’s to come and the uncertainty of our futures, has many of us emotionally all over the place.

You may be working from home or you may have lost your job and at home. We are spending more time with our partners than we have in a long time. That is those of us that have one, lol.

Men and women are different, no one would argue that point. We think differently, our hormones are different, and our emotional needs are different. Men tend to do for women what men need and women do for men what women need. In other words we give what we want to receive.

There was a time when the man was the hunter, the protector of their families from danger, the one who handled emergencies. It was easy then for a woman to appreciate her man.

Nowadays you hear many young women declaring “I don’t need a man !” Women now in many instances think they can do it all. Hire a handy man to fix things around the house. Take care of the kids, be the provider, and problem solver, all while having a career.

Everybody needs somebody, that’s the nature of our being. Everybody wants to be loved. So, how is it we find that person we claim to love and after a few or sometimes many years things fall apart ?

We don’t take the time to learn what the other person needs on an emotional level. What are some of those needs ?

• MEN NEED TO FEEL NEEDED

A man needs to know that what he does has a positive impact on a woman. He needs to feel that what he does has meaning. A woman needs to tell her man she appreciates the small and big things he does. When a man feels appreciated he will be encouraged to do more.

• MEN NEED TO FEEL THAT WOMEN CAN COUNT ON THEM

Criticism will destroy a man’s trust in his abilities. No man is perfect, we all make mistakes. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Express confidence in your man to figure it out and get it done.

• MEN NEED TIME ALONE

Ladies please don’t takt it personal when your man retreats to his “cave”. As women we educe our stress by talking about our problems. We have our Sister Circles. Men reduce their stress by forgetting about the problem. It may be in the form of watching spots, reading the newspaper,or playing video games. Its an escape for them, let them be! Don’t nag or chase after him, he will only retreat more.

• MEN GO THROUGH A NORMAL CYCLE OF GETTING CLOSE AND PULLING AWAY

This can be frustrating for women and we always want to ask ourselves, “what did I do” ? Rest assured you did nothing. Men have a strong need for goal oriented independence. His independence and emotional isolation when he is concentrated on life goals may lead to women feeling emotionally abandoned.

A woman’s primary emotional needs are caring, understanding, and respect. It is up to us to educate our men on what our needs are in a positive way. In a feel we feel cared for and feel as if we are the priority. It’s the time spent together that’s most important to a woman.

Most men and women are not able to be clear about what we want and need. Lack of communication causes emotional resentment. Women feel like they are giving , giving, giving, and aren’t getting back enough. Men feel I’m doing so much for her and all she does is complain.

It is up to both partners to take this time and make an effort to understand each other. Start off as in playing a game. Make up your own question cards ( emotional needs and wants) and take turns answering the questions.

If you are really stuck in a place of resentment and frustration, there are self help books. One of the most prolific ones I have read is written by a man, Mr. Amari Soul. The title of his book is Reflections of a Man. It is written in sections pertaining to women, men, and couples. There is space after each section to document your thoughts and feelings. I read it through the first time and didn’t journal anything. I will read it a second time in a few weeks and record my thoughts and feelings.

Be good to each other, stay healthy and safe !

Peace and Blessings